Comments on: 6 Parenting Lessons I’ve Learned Lately http://www.darrenrowse.com/6-parenting-lessons Where I think out loud Mon, 31 Jan 2011 23:07:33 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Cori Padgett http://www.darrenrowse.com/6-parenting-lessons/comment-page-1#comment-573 Cori Padgett Fri, 05 Mar 2010 20:49:49 +0000 http://www.darrenrowse.com/?p=160#comment-573 Great post Darren..I'll definitely begin implementing that 'Ask,Say,Do' technique. My boys are 10 and 6, so they're a little older, but never too late to implement new parenting strategies! :) We've also got a half-brother on the way, so will come in handy with him too. Thanks for sharing! C Great post Darren..I’ll definitely begin implementing that ‘Ask,Say,Do’ technique. My boys are 10 and 6, so they’re a little older, but never too late to implement new parenting strategies! :)

We’ve also got a half-brother on the way, so will come in handy with him too. Thanks for sharing!

C

]]> By: Tucker Bradford http://www.darrenrowse.com/6-parenting-lessons/comment-page-1#comment-334 Tucker Bradford Tue, 06 Oct 2009 18:35:12 +0000 http://www.darrenrowse.com/?p=160#comment-334 Thanks for the great post! I consider myself to be a very mindful parent. Some of the techniques you've enumerated above are ones that I have (without thinking much about it) already established, others are great jumping off points. Lately I've been trying to establish a personal that revolves around my responsibilities to create the harmony I want for our family. Chief among my tools is avoiding what you've title "The Escalation Trap". I have labeled it "When they go up, I go down", referring to chaos and noise levels. I also just wanted to mention that I was attracted to this post because of the title which so closely resembles one that I wrote a few months back <a href="http://www.forgeover.com/articles/2009/04/23/parenting-what-ive-learned-so-far" rel="nofollow"> Parenting What I've Learned So Far <a>. Having enjoyed your post I would get a kick out of your thoughts on mine! Thanks for the great post! I consider myself to be a very mindful parent. Some of the techniques you’ve enumerated above are ones that I have (without thinking much about it) already established, others are great jumping off points. Lately I’ve been trying to establish a personal that revolves around my responsibilities to create the harmony I want for our family. Chief among my tools is avoiding what you’ve title “The Escalation Trap”. I have labeled it “When they go up, I go down”, referring to chaos and noise levels.

I also just wanted to mention that I was attracted to this post because of the title which so closely resembles one that I wrote a few months back Parenting What I’ve Learned So Far . Having enjoyed your post I would get a kick out of your thoughts on mine!

]]> By: Karl Staib - Work Happy Now http://www.darrenrowse.com/6-parenting-lessons/comment-page-1#comment-229 Karl Staib - Work Happy Now Thu, 10 Sep 2009 20:04:18 +0000 http://www.darrenrowse.com/?p=160#comment-229 I'm a new parent of a 6 week old baby boy. What a test in patience and love. These lessons are exactly what I needed today. I'm going to forward them to my wife. I love the concept "ask, say, do" because it helps a child develop critical thinking skills early. My parents were doers and tried to do everything for me. I want to help my child figure out things for himself without needing me for every step. I’m a new parent of a 6 week old baby boy. What a test in patience and love. These lessons are exactly what I needed today. I’m going to forward them to my wife.

I love the concept “ask, say, do” because it helps a child develop critical thinking skills early. My parents were doers and tried to do everything for me. I want to help my child figure out things for himself without needing me for every step.

]]> By: Rita http://www.darrenrowse.com/6-parenting-lessons/comment-page-1#comment-227 Rita Tue, 08 Sep 2009 05:15:07 +0000 http://www.darrenrowse.com/?p=160#comment-227 These are great tips. I'm a grandparent and am around young ones again. Rita Blogging at The Survive and Thrive Boomer Guide These are great tips. I’m a grandparent and am around young ones again.

Rita

Blogging at The Survive and Thrive Boomer Guide

]]> By: Shelly Cone http://www.darrenrowse.com/6-parenting-lessons/comment-page-1#comment-225 Shelly Cone Fri, 04 Sep 2009 05:19:00 +0000 http://www.darrenrowse.com/?p=160#comment-225 Wow, all I can say is "boys, OMG!" I have three of them, ages 8, 7, and 17 months. From my experience, we've tried every technique, what works for us is keep them physically active so they can expend their energy, balance that with quiet activity to keep their minds active and we've learned that humor can diffuse most tantrums and distract our children from impending tantrums. ie, our youngest started stomping his feet when he wanted his way and we started doing it back at him and asking him "Are we dancing?" and then he'd laugh. Pretty soon, when he'd start to throw a fit by stomping his feet, he'd automatically remember how funny we made it and he'd start doing it playfully to get a laugh. Some of the advice you've laid out below was totally helpful too, especially the one about telling them and not asking them to do something, giving them too many options doesn't always work. Good luck! Wow, all I can say is “boys, OMG!” I have three of them, ages 8, 7, and 17 months. From my experience, we’ve tried every technique, what works for us is keep them physically active so they can expend their energy, balance that with quiet activity to keep their minds active and we’ve learned that humor can diffuse most tantrums and distract our children from impending tantrums. ie, our youngest started stomping his feet when he wanted his way and we started doing it back at him and asking him “Are we dancing?” and then he’d laugh. Pretty soon, when he’d start to throw a fit by stomping his feet, he’d automatically remember how funny we made it and he’d start doing it playfully to get a laugh.

Some of the advice you’ve laid out below was totally helpful too, especially the one about telling them and not asking them to do something, giving them too many options doesn’t always work. Good luck!

]]> By: AnotherGuy http://www.darrenrowse.com/6-parenting-lessons/comment-page-1#comment-224 AnotherGuy Thu, 03 Sep 2009 21:16:59 +0000 http://www.darrenrowse.com/?p=160#comment-224 I met a man recently who follows these rules pretty carefully. His kids are the best I've ever met, because they recognize that 1. He is the adult and their father, and is in charge. 2. That their actions have consequences. 3. That their dad will always be there for them. It's an interesting thing. Normally when I see a kid ask for ice cream and the parent says no, the kid whines until they get their way. But with his family, he tells them no and they smile, say "OK, Daddy" and then run to go play somewhere else. Of course, he says yes sometimes as well, and that's why they know they should ask. As a whole I am excited to try this with my kids, because it was so inspiring to me. Good to know you're doing the same. :) By setting boundaries with your kids, too, they more easily understand why they need to learn how to make decisions on their own. It's certainly important for the parent to aide in their child's decision making process for a while, but eventually (like was mentioned in comments) they need to learn how to make those decisions themselves. I'm going to write a blog post about this actually, but in the mean time you may like this book called 'Boundaries' by Henry Cloud and Jon Townsend. It's about how to take control of your life by saying yes and no, but there is some awesome parenting advice in there as well. http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_b Life changing book. I'll probably read it a few times over. I met a man recently who follows these rules pretty carefully. His kids are the best I’ve ever met, because they recognize that 1. He is the adult and their father, and is in charge. 2. That their actions have consequences. 3. That their dad will always be there for them.

It’s an interesting thing. Normally when I see a kid ask for ice cream and the parent says no, the kid whines until they get their way. But with his family, he tells them no and they smile, say “OK, Daddy” and then run to go play somewhere else. Of course, he says yes sometimes as well, and that’s why they know they should ask.

As a whole I am excited to try this with my kids, because it was so inspiring to me. Good to know you’re doing the same. :)

By setting boundaries with your kids, too, they more easily understand why they need to learn how to make decisions on their own. It’s certainly important for the parent to aide in their child’s decision making process for a while, but eventually (like was mentioned in comments) they need to learn how to make those decisions themselves.

I’m going to write a blog post about this actually, but in the mean time you may like this book called ‘Boundaries’ by Henry Cloud and Jon Townsend. It’s about how to take control of your life by saying yes and no, but there is some awesome parenting advice in there as well.

http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_b

Life changing book. I’ll probably read it a few times over.

]]> By: Richard X. Thripp http://www.darrenrowse.com/6-parenting-lessons/comment-page-1#comment-222 Richard X. Thripp Thu, 03 Sep 2009 14:10:19 +0000 http://www.darrenrowse.com/?p=160#comment-222 Great advice for parents or baby-sitters. @Jill: Instead of raising your voice, take away privileges like the computer, video games, or toys. My Aunt and Uncle are finally doing this with their 12-year-old son who can be very bratty. Great advice for parents or baby-sitters. @Jill: Instead of raising your voice, take away privileges like the computer, video games, or toys. My Aunt and Uncle are finally doing this with their 12-year-old son who can be very bratty.

]]> By: Jill@ModernMommyBlog http://www.darrenrowse.com/6-parenting-lessons/comment-page-1#comment-219 Jill@ModernMommyBlog Thu, 03 Sep 2009 04:33:06 +0000 http://www.darrenrowse.com/?p=160#comment-219 Very good advice. I think I am doing pretty good on most of them but the one I struggle with is the escalating (which is probably the worst one). Does your class give you tips on how NOT to escalate? It seems my dd will just ignore me until I raise my voice and I don't know what else to do. Very good advice. I think I am doing pretty good on most of them but the one I struggle with is the escalating (which is probably the worst one). Does your class give you tips on how NOT to escalate? It seems my dd will just ignore me until I raise my voice and I don’t know what else to do.

]]> By: Darren http://www.darrenrowse.com/6-parenting-lessons/comment-page-1#comment-218 Darren Wed, 02 Sep 2009 22:25:24 +0000 http://www.darrenrowse.com/?p=160#comment-218 Christie - yes that's another 'tactic' we use quite a bit. Two choices but both are things you want them to do. They feel empowered and you get something that you want too. Only side effect of that one is that our 3 year old now does it too - "Daddy, can I have a chocolate or a new toy - which one?" :-) Christie – yes that’s another ‘tactic’ we use quite a bit. Two choices but both are things you want them to do. They feel empowered and you get something that you want too.

Only side effect of that one is that our 3 year old now does it too – “Daddy, can I have a chocolate or a new toy – which one?” :-)

]]> By: Benjamin Hein http://www.darrenrowse.com/6-parenting-lessons/comment-page-1#comment-216 Benjamin Hein Wed, 02 Sep 2009 19:17:28 +0000 http://www.darrenrowse.com/?p=160#comment-216 Excellent post and I can totally relate having a very assertive 2-yr old daughter. I like your tips on the step by step and the one on one time (Something I will need to remember when baby #2 is here). One thing that has proven to work for me: When a child does not want to go. (You're running late. It's time to leave the park and go home for dinner, etc) I have my daughter repeat back the warnings/plan I tell her. "Brooklin. We need to leave soon. Can you repeat that back to me please?" (Brooklin) "We need to leave soon." ...then a little later... "Ok Brooklin you can go down the slide one more time and then we are going home for dinner. Can you repeat back what I just said please?" (Brooklin) "One more slide and then we're going home for dinner." This makes the plan more her own. She's invested in leaving, or whatever it is we need to do. It works well for us ... (Until the next phase. Am I right?!) Excellent post and I can totally relate having a very assertive 2-yr old daughter. I like your tips on the step by step and the one on one time (Something I will need to remember when baby #2 is here).

One thing that has proven to work for me: When a child does not want to go. (You’re running late. It’s time to leave the park and go home for dinner, etc) I have my daughter repeat back the warnings/plan I tell her.

“Brooklin. We need to leave soon. Can you repeat that back to me please?” (Brooklin) “We need to leave soon.” …then a little later… “Ok Brooklin you can go down the slide one more time and then we are going home for dinner. Can you repeat back what I just said please?” (Brooklin) “One more slide and then we’re going home for dinner.”

This makes the plan more her own. She’s invested in leaving, or whatever it is we need to do. It works well for us … (Until the next phase. Am I right?!)

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